Pooh is Tore in The Jungles But Cool for a Span On the Peak

Time in the past time I read an ancient crumbling vellum missive of lore.... Well or mayhaps in sooth it was the latest copy of the Liberal eerrr I mean Lonely Planet Taiwan. In it was mentioned that there was a nearby assent one could make right there in Kenting the peak was called "Dajianshan".

The way up was not so clear- and full of creieves that opened up into to The depthes of the Unknown Dark:







Guess what- the Peak climb was closed in fact it was a punishable offense to hike it.


Do you think the Stupid Planet wrote this ... no the newest Lonely Planet had absolutely no clue of this critical factoid. Never the less, I would still recommend the Lonely Planet Books as they seem the most relevant to the budget traveler... or Knight Errant Man of Arms who may find his pillow a rock. But, I digress into Hard Guy Boasts ever and anon ... my folly, and is it not so that "Pride comes before the Fall."




Yet I was spared the Fatal unmanning descent from the rocks my willful pride and disobedience propounded me up to. For, as a Knight Errant and New Lord of Formosa one must be sensible and admit that no Government Decree on Lands can apply to me The English Lord of these Conquered Lands. Is there a chamber that is forbidden for the Holder of the Castle to Enter? Can a fool find no part in a pool of spilled Wine? Is there a Hound Of Hells that does not Long to be amuck the screams of the Dammed souls he is charged to Doom? Is there a Marine who wished he had a plow rather than a bayonet head upon his steel shaft of a Colt?

So, it was no crime to let my Gifted Body propel me wherein my Mind already held me - Aloft and Condescending the surrounding Countryside of Kenting. And low before me I espied the Golden Arches that marked this Asian Land as a Vassal State of my Overpowering and Belly Overhanging Empire.





For where there is McDonalds’ there is no war. All we neeed do is get enough Iraq Militia Men to fall in love with Jessica Simpson, and Big Macs and they will lay down there IED and AKs before the Happy Idol of the Smiling Ronald McDonald Statute. Unfortunately this would be difficult as I am sure the construction crew of such a Temple would be Blown and Fump Fump Fump (thats the sound of a Mortar Round Attack) to the Great Burger Town in the Sky.But Again I stray into War. Forgive me but there is nothing that can make me forget the sound and smells of Mortars and smoking barrels. And there is no burn more funny than when the friends M16 pops a hot brass round down your collar and you will not take it out because you are busy urgently firing your own weapon. Ahh those were the days...But, Kenting now that was a lost hike day too...

Before I climbed the spire though I came upon some odd fences for waht purpose I am not sure...?






The thing is I did climb the spire. But I also decided to take another trail back. The problem was this trail petered out and I found myself alone without a compass or GPS. This was amusing at first and I thought I'd just follow a creek and find the nearest road.

Does a lost man still care enough to set his timer and take a picture- well I am not lost in any really terrible way at least:



Mmm I should have got this picture before I left not after.... ahhh maybe it would not have helped though...


Problem was the creek went up another spire which of course had no road on it. So I retraced my steps down the creek and choose to go East.



this brought me to a path that I followed which to was overgrown. So I decided to head East again. At this point I was getting more and more torn up by thorns and thirsty as well. Discouraged I plodded on and finally heard the curse of every fully immersion nature lover - traffic and later a constant rumbling hum which I later found out to be a Bulldozer. I took a picture just as I was about to climb up the embankment to the nearby road sounds.

Having found the road I was too taost myself- as a fool has no water brought on his own thirsty pride trip:




I arrived on the backside of an exclusive resort which I went in and bought two cokes from costing me only 2 dollars a can- what a deal. Encouraged by this I decided to attempt some Russian Free Running up a massive slab of rock.








Sadly, I was a bit tired and too cautious for it to be very impressive.What was funny though and perhaps a bit inconsiderate was me then taking pictures with Kenting peoples when I had been hiking for so long, and was coated with, sweat, numerous thorn cuts, and any traces of the stray marmot I had consumed while in Tarzan's Forest.

The road from the resort passed by the Park - or maybe it was part of the Park- at any rate it was a steep downhill road I later rode down on my bike:





This is me and some silly gymnastics- mmm I guess I have to work on My Iron Cross skills-





-Not sure why I was unhappy here- such a sweet Lass-


Some cute ladies and the filthy hike monster, I wonder if they thought me a dirty fellow or just enjoyed the hug anyway? Well I was not quite mud covered but I was pretty sweaty and tore up:



This is the Forest I entered Here we have a small cute Fella - Hey I believe this is Pooh and Piglet reunited - Piglet of course stayed back at his house with the vegetables while Pooh went and hunted Hefalumps.


The entrance to the Forest after I got back:



These ladies were entranced despite their returning Lord's Campaign Marks a pleasnt group I was to see them off before I retired to my own quarters and soon to be Stoat Caoted Filth Tub

I meet Elmo's Sister, Do the Bathtub Waterfall then Proceed to Kiss Three University Girls Entranced by My Bulk; Or, Pooh & The 2 Piglet Gangs

[Sorry My friends... I am a bit behind on the updates. Truth be told I am now well settled in my apartment and Kenting is in the past. But, I shall bring up everything to speed on due time. Hmm yeah so my new apartment is da bomb- and I even bought a fender equipped commuter bike for 400 NT or 12 dollars.



Later I raised the seat on it. Sorry to be negative to about 90% of the Taiwan people (and expatriates who ride them) here- but scooters are sooooo uncool. The drain on cool point for riding a scooter is astronomical. Wow so many people losing c00l points here everyday. Then again I nust admit to riding the wretched bus... The Shame Train - The L00zer Cruiser. Oh the pain of the c00l points bleeding out from me. Ahh well I guess I'll have to get them back by mercilessly passing all these lameos on scooters while riding on my Merlin Road Bike all speed and fury unleashed... until of course I am side swipped by a bus or scooter and crash into a blazing bloody smeared ball- in which case I will again have a negative amount of c00l points. Especially if I have a grossly visible protruding compound fracture... Ahhh reminds me of Costa in that one Combat Town screaming about his leg- wow that was terrible poor guy.Anyhow back to the past below...]
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So it was that The New English Lord and Prince the Righteous Force of Winter Lands not by perchance came to ponder his Burdensome Bulk in the Carving cold Waters of a waterfall in the South Lands of Taiwan... Though his Body was Incredibly huge and doughty still somehow the chill pool managed to cover his cooled carcass. Even as his Great Heart Burned with concern for all the small ones he must needs care for and pray the parents did there trust well in his stead... afterall he was just a vacationing Stoat Sir Pooh de Bear Wandering on his way to the 100 Acre Wood or ahhh the Waterfall in this case...

So I left out of Kenting with my backpack filled with my hiking boots, goggles, cmaera, sunblock, and map. On my way to the waterfall I stopped for directions... it just so happened I choose to stop outside a restaurant wher a bunch of happy kids were hanging about... I thought it prudent to instruct them in the Famous clause of ahhhhh nooooo noooooo ok I will say it...

"What's your name?!"

In sooth they seemed to know it already and put me to the question first. The answer should be known to them of course- as all children should learn the Names of their Governors, Rulers, and in my Case: Conquering English Prince. Anyhow, the one kid laughed exactly like Elmo from sesame Street soooo hilarious...



Listen to this little girl laugh! I am serious she sounds just like Elmo form sesame street.



Truly, it is sweet kids like this that make the world a worthwhile thing to save and protect.

Here is some verdant countryside on the way to the waterfalls:




Anyway, I eventually made it to the waterfalls.








looks like I should take a dip huh? - lucky for me under my shorts I had on my trusty swim race suit instead of cotton...














I hiked well beyond where the waterfall hikers go... I thought to find more pools... but I found nothing but a ten foot snake and monkeys. I am sorry to say both moved to fast for me to get pictures of- you'll have to take my word for it. The snake was all dull jet black and very fast- he was sunning himself on the rocks and quickly slid into the undergrowth abutting th dried out waterfalll creek channel. I suppose I could have caught his tail- but I had no one around to helo-evac me if I'd been poisonously bitten.



I met three young university students 20,21, and age 22. From my time in Latin America I became fond of greeting new acquaintances with a friendly kiss on the cheek.

My Ole Water Hole






I thought such a greeting would benefit these charming lasses as it is written to greet one another with a kiss... and they seemed fascinated and instantly smitten with the Great Stoat Come out of his Water Hole wet and slippery like a kinder Akhilleus arising from the River Scamander.



They were attending a sports university studying tennis and boxing. I urged the three to join me in my bathtub but they had no swimsuits on - and they claimed it was dangerous as well. At any rate I accompanied them back down to the entrance area and took a few friendly pictures with them.

The One RING lost anon; Or, How Pooh went and Lost His Complimetary Cheap Circut

Background info...

A day prior to one where I ate many chocolates left that were given to the Pagan Foul Sorceresses dabbling and chubby hoping children that rang the door. For, on November First I left my temporary storage overflow faculty... Yes Rightoo but before I left I came upon Two Rings forged in the Depths of time in the Fires of Mount Doom... or maybe in some Chinese factory furnace... Right but these two Rings were the Same yet they were diametrically opposed a dichotomy to make an Iranian Zoroastrian grin... wonder if any are happy now or left even you'd think the One-God-Isalm Government would have hung them all by now along with the homosexuals, thieves, and dissenting journalist... Ahhh High right but ahh my point was about the rings right- so These rings came with a certain item I purchased let's just say they were part of a promotional bonus package... I had know idea the rings were in with the product- in fact if I'd have know they were in there I might have got the regular package. But, it too late I went to Best Buy Electronics and I bought what was released that day November First but the ring was lost.

The day was fair- as fair as a green pasture with Tess unwounded forgotten of her diary days. And I went down to the South to the Sail Rock. My accoutrement's were passing strange. I had on two of the rubber bracers, my blue G-shock some Nicaraguan banded threads or other and of course the two RINGS. But one ring was the RIng of Unfettered Power of Pride unbound, no force of the Law or militant arms could subdue it or the wearer of it. Yet, it was becalmed and unmagiced.... you see I had on it's juxtaposition and with the other Circuit around my finger the inspiring Entropy was silenced to a brooding immortality. Though the RING was canceled by the other it still granted the wearer all the bloody guilt and undiyeng strength found in the Essence of Sauron.... For even as Frito was bored with the Rings so I in turn was also of Tom Bombadil and though it might suck the soul of some Epic dreamer it was bootless in it's deception of Mine Own Mind. Besides which it kept turning when I wanted onlookers to read it and not see the Gazing Eye...

The ONE RING:

This Is The Right Side And Thus the Other One Ring that Hinders the Left:

Right so I went to Sail Rock.

Therein I met some comely Lasses of this Formosa Island on which I hold sway as the New Ruling English Lord.


THis is another picture taken with Me in it and some incidental person ....


What better then to give a friendly hug to the 7/11 clerk who feeds the fat power of the oceans:

The ring made the very Seas corrupted crystallizing the salts into distilled baseness:

This is a view to the North:





Her we Have the Grand Ole Orca...





I saw many large fish while snorkeling, angel fish, ahh the lot of all those tropical fish. However I was wtihout a disposable underwater camera so you have to take me round about the rock anon to see them with me... So it was after slipping out of the arms of the friendly fellow tourists that I flowed into the water like so much ephemeral quicksilver

"Isildur would not heed the advice of Elrond and Cirdan and instead of destroying the One Ring by casting it into Mount Doom, he took it as his own. In the end the Ring betrayed him, slipping from his finger as he attempted to swim away from a party of ambushing Orcs at the Gladden Fields near the Misty Mountains. Then the Ring left Isildur's finger and was lost in the waters. IsildurI felt an overwhelming sense of loss, but was then relieved as if a great burden had been lifted from him. Yet, Revealed to the Orcs, he rose out of the water, but at that moment he was spotted by Orcs who shot him with arrows through the throat and heart."

"But for my part I will risk no hurt to this thing: of all the works of Sauron, the only fair. It is precious to me, though I buy it with great pain..."

And as I swam the rocks from the shore and chased the great fish who fled from Beowulf I wondered at the rings and The Ring... for they were on my fingers one left and one right Two hands held the power that countered the other yet still in this grip I was made Immortal ... no weapon forged by men could harm me and no human hinder my passage unless I wished it. I had the Rings, and my Power was finally complete.. no more would I age nor grow weak from hunger or cold. The RING was mine. I came then to the edge of the ocean and joyously rode in on the surf a man of salty veteran swims unafraid of the churning waters... but in my fearlessness the waves soothed me and I forgot the RING though it did not me. For, it slipped my finger just where the sand was churned to invisibility... had it come off before the crash zone I'd have easily found it silver shiny in the sand... but as this was turbulent there was no way- it was lost and The Ring the ONE RING (well in truth there were probably thousands made to go along in the promo package.... I'm assuming forged in China or India not sure though as it's origin was unmarked).

Mmm this no doubt is a small cute hobbit wanting to know if I still have The RING: