The Post Formosa Beginning; Or, How the New Lord Prince of Formosa charted his Hopefully Bloodless Landing

Formosa with Love of Verbose

The New Lord Prince of Formosa the English Crusader Lands in Taiwan

"Hold quickly- Did you here that? He is Coming! He Comes!"




Well after some boring half hearted job searches for a sweet American English teaching position (if there is such a thing...?- maybe teaching all AP seniors at a Catholic girls High School for nun wannabes?) I decided to take my English Teaching License and High Falooting ESL TESOL degree to use in Formosa.YES THAT’S RIGHT COME NOVEMBER THE WHOLE OF FORMOSA WILL BE PUT UNDER THE STEEL SHOD HOOVES OF MY DESTIER AS I CARRY ON MY INDOMITABLE ENGLISH CRUSADE. ORCS AND GOBLIN WOLF RIDERS WILL SALLY AFTER ME. SUMMON THE LAST OF THE ABORIGINE TAIWAN FIGHTERS, YET THEY TOO WILL BE BROKEN UNDER AND MADE TO SING NASTY BRITISH GOBLIN MARSHMALLOW ROASTING SONGS AS WE BURN TAIPEI TO THE GROUND. IT WILL MAKE THE JAPANESE CULTURE OPPRESSORS LOOK LIKE PUSHOVERS. ALL SHALL TALK IN GLORIOUS ENGLISH. THE LORD OF ALL STOATS AND ORCAS LEAVES TO TAKE AN ISLAND FIEF. Two years ago Korea quickly fell under the matchless roar of my English Power. The subdued Koreans smiled and nodded after me cheerfully greeting their Lord unasked for with,

"Hello, How are you?"

and

"Nice to meet you."

For they new by my visage I was charged with English strength they had no words for. See how I impressed my Innate Nobility over the Koreans? They would always ask me young and old strangers alike,

"Where are you from?"

In response I told them,

"Despair and flee, I COME FROM THE SEA!"



...for the Dark Tide Had brought the Long Boats and The Viking Raiders would soon Crush their tongues and Force them into words of Fealty Learning cursed English. In little time I had them speaking my babble and wearing the trappings of my English Mother Land. In the end they were nothing but broken helots and pleaded for me to tarry with them in Korea but I had heard of another Foreign Land I could conquer and glut down the whoppers and tacos they had created for my destruction.

Anyhow, What all you think I should do first....? Any pro bicycle racers out there want to draft with me? Where all do you go to snorkel? I read the south and east are sweet for hiking. Who wants to invite me hiking and offer to take me to hot springs? I read there are no bears left in the wilds there... is it true? Where should I go on my first weekend? What's the c00l ESL / Expat hangout? How do you say "More chocolate please." in Formosian? How do I avoid eating those piss eggs people love so much? Feel free to comment to me and offer to buy me pizza some time.